Michael Gomez
ENG 220
Prof. Gallagher
Essay # 1
The Diary of a Mad
Man: An Amazing Semester.
It was
the fall of 2011 and the season was right as it began a new chapter in my life.
It began the fall of past experiences, and the rise of a triumphant future. I
was 22 years old entering my first semester at LaGuardia Community College, and
although I did have prior college experience due to my time at John Jay College
Of Criminal Justice, this new beginning for me was a very memorable and
education experience. I will always remember all the first time experiences I
had as well as everything I learned. In fact, this one semester made me a
better student, and a better person.
When I
first walked through the halls of LaGuardia, I was surprised and amused by the
sight of so many people from a variety of different cultural backgrounds all
together in one building. Moreover, there have been many times in my life where
I felt like a cast away much like Satan was in epic poem “Paradise Lost” by
John Milton. But because I meet many people who shared the same interest with
me such as reading, writing, philosophy, and musicianship I felt that I was
finally allowed to be myself.
Educational
wise; I Learned a lot from my ENG 274: Creating non-fiction and a world history
course I was attending. The creative writing class taught me that a story is
literally everywhere. For this course, I’ve written short stories with simple
topics such as me hanging out with friends, which was received by applauds,
laughter, and smiles. My history class
focused a lot on the Roman era and it gave me a new outlook on current life while
inspiring me to write poetry and musical lyrics subliminally focused on the
fall of Rome. My least favorite class was an African Arts class that I had to
register for due to a major requirement. I never really cared to analyzed sculptures
or to hear a professor complaining over and over again on how people of the
past where mistreated. Nonetheless, at the end of the course, I was glad it was
over.
In
closing, although the LaGuardia fall semester of 2011 wasn’t perfect, I still
wouldn’t take that time back. I can’t mention any favorite or least favorite
teacher as each professor had their own unique personalities, and they all
helped me grow as a person. Furthermore, although some classes had a higher
work load, the trimming for me handing in projects, essays, exams, and speeches
where all nicely spaced out so I didn’t have any low points during this time
period. Who Knows? Maybe that’s another
reason why I liked this semester so much.
Hi Michael,
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I finally got to read your essay. And I'm also glad to hear you have had such a positive experience at LaGuardia! Do you know we now have a Creative Writing major? I'd love to read some of what you wrote for Creative Writing Non-Fiction. It sounds great. I would also recommend ENN 198--Creative Writing Urban Studies, if you like the idea that a story, poem, song, etc can be found anywhere.
For the most part this essay is good. It's focused, it doesn't stray from its topic in any serious way. It's clearly written. My two major criticisms are 1) After you tell us about the professors you liked and did not like, you really can't turn around and end with, "I can’t mention any favorite or least favorite teacher as each professor had their own unique personalities, and they all helped me grow as a person." It's the "I can't mention" part that is truly problematic. I mean, you DID just now already "mention" this, so it's really odd to read you say you "can't mention" it right after you do. Be attentive to language, word choice, and how they affect logic. 2) I think you could put more heart into analyzing some of your experiences and critiques. Could you say a little more, describe a little more what happened (moments of realization, specific writing experiences you liked, or closer description of what made the one professor seem too negative in a way that made the class hard. AND, tell us more about what exactly you did (assignments, lesson, trips). AND, try to tell us a little more about what happened for you personally this semester. How did it differ from before, did you feel more connected, accepted? Were there previous experiences that made this an issue?
So you need to revise this paper. Revision DUE in 2 weeks. Let me know if you have any questions.